At 5/05/2007 11:01:00 AM, Scott Morizot
Thanks for the post Julie. And actually, Bethel's guide bears a lot of similarity to Dobson's book "The Strong-Willed Child". The theme of breaking the will as a good thing to prepare them to submit their will to God later comes straight from that book. And Dobson is about as mainstream in evangelicalism as you get. Bethel carries it further than I remember Dobson doing, but the connection is obvious. (Sidenote: I've heard there is a new edition of that book out. I haven't looked at it. I don't know if he toned down some of his advice in that edition or not.)
For a wide array of reasons, which I won't go into here, this is one of the areas that has made it a struggle for me to really find a place in American christianity. I have found myself filled with rage at times at some of the things I've heard. And so I tend to always be a little on guard so I can control myself and what I say (which is typically nothing).
I remember once sitting in a service with a sermon on parenting and a story from the aforementioned Dobson book was read. I don't remember the details, but it had something to do with a child doing something wrong, the parent reacting to 'discipline' with something that was immediately at hand, and holding it wrong so the buckle struck the child. (I think it was a personal anecdote of Dobson.) And the story was phrased as humor and a positive illustration. And people laughed! That's all I really remember other than the fury that swept through me that anything like this would be publicly advocated as 'christian' in any sense. It made my wife angry too, but she could tell how strongly it impacted me. The other thing I remember was her reaching over and holding my hand with both of hers. That became my focus so I didn't just stand up and walk out, but I don't remember anything else about that service.
At 5/06/2007 03:56:00 PM, Julie
John- my 2 year old is very assertive herself. we are still experimenting with how to respect her as a person and still get her to do things that keep her safe and healthy. Letting her have a voice in the family is important - even if it means like yesterday we all HAVE TO wear our "horns" (university of Texas longhorns) t-shirt out in public...
Scott - Dobson's stuff scares me. The whole concept of breaking a child's will is just so hurtful and leads to so many other issues down the line. I often feel very alone in the christian subculture on this one as well. Even in progressing emerging churches, this is one of those issues that has yet to be touched. (we're still debating equality for women, how long will it take until to topic of equality for children is even mentioned!)
Julie, great post. I appreciate your line of reasoning and after reading it becomes a strech to justify the act of spanking. I had never heard it put like that before.
I have two yong ones (2 1/2 and 6 mths) and the 2 year old is asserting her will at times excessively. My wife and I do the time out thing and often she tests it as far as it will go. We count to three and she waits until we say three before she responds. It can be quite frustrating and often she truns it into a game.
I grew up in a home that excessively spanked and I think it led me toward further rebellion. It acctually went beyond spanking...and I feel I am no better for it. Had it not been part of our discipline, I think fear would be less of a motivator and dignity would have been a reality.
I have been tempted beyond 'time outs' but after reading your post, I am inclined to resist.